Time flies… I always say that…
But for 2014, I can’t say that.
2014, passed by very slowly for me. Many things happened in 2014 – many good things, eg. good clients that I met in 2014 and at the same time, many challenges (more than what I usually have for a year) too for me and my family.
It started with a miscarriage in the beginning of year. Victor and I got married in Sep 2013 and were so happy to know that just right after few months of ‘hardwork’/’attempts’, I got pregnant! But I guess God thought that we ain’t too ready and hence, I got miscarriage during the 6th week. Vic and I did not get too upset about it, may be because it happened too quickly that we had yet to ‘feel’ much about the baby. I spent my CNY on ‘confinement’ to make sure I take good care of myself and build my body better for next pregnancy.
People always say that women after miscarriage are much fertile (if they take good care of themselves) and I think that statement is quite true. I got pregnant again after few months time. Victor and I went for doctor to confirm about my pregnancy and we got the scan with a beautiful ‘bean’!
I remember that date, 23th June 2014. We got a GREAT news in our life! We were so happy and excited. We wanted to share this joy and happiness with all our family members, but before we had much chance to do that, I got a call from my sister asking me to bring Jamie to see a doctor as she found that her feet were all swollen. She suspected that something has gone wrong inside Jamie. And well, she was right. 🙁 We brought her to a doctor the next day and was admitted right away. The day we got the GREAT news about our new family member, we got another BAD news that Jamie was diagnosed with kidney disorder disease – ‘Nephrotic Syndrome’. And it is gonna be a long term disease for her. T.T
Well, I always think that God does not challenge one that He thinks is not capable of dealing with all the challenges He gives, but gosh, can’t I be spared of some time to enjoy the happiness/excitement of a new life inside me before such ‘heart-breaking’ news about Jamie? Why must these 2 happened on the same time?
Looking at my little girl who was just 8 years old…I can’t imagine how was the life gonna be for her, but one thing that I knew – I need to be STRONG to be able to help her. I need to be at least STRONGER than her to give her support and love in life. I held my tears in me as much as I could, esp when she was with me. I tried to stay very positive for her but God knew how much tear that I have shed inside me.
I don’t remember how long that I stayed in the hospital with her but I do remember how much guilt that I had in me that I had to spend so many days in the hospital with the little new life inside me, was kinda worried about me myself getting all germs around me in the hospital and kept worrying how the little one doing inside me. But I have no choice, only moms/female can accompany kids in the hospital (hospital policy).
Anyway, Jamie was still doing good at that moment, she was always with high spirit and being quite positive about things in life, perhaps she was sent to a good school that she loves so much that she was always a happy girl. Besides, she was not very sure about NS nor the real effect of it. She just knew that she was gonna miss lots of good food in life that her diet was totally changed since she was admitted – no more salt in food! But she was still doing fine with that as she was trained quite well since young to not be picky on food or I should say to have very low ‘demand’ about food as she is also allergic towards dairy products. She was also doing ok with medicine since young (meaning that she can drink the med herself without any forcing) and this time, she has to swallow the tablet medicine which she has never tried before but again, she was a brave and easy girl. Everyday, she had to swallow 10 tablets of prednisolone!!!! And you are right, it was the STEROID- the medicine that will cause A to N side effects if you were to google about it!!!
After many days of steroid in hospital, she got discharged as there was nothing much that doctor could do. She just needed to continue on her steroid everyday and also to check her ‘pee’everyday if there was protein/blood found in the pee. So far, we were still finding lots of protein leakage in her pee (+++3) and thus, she had to eat lots of high protein food too.
As a mom, I seriously did not know how to help her or comfort her. She started to have ‘mild depression’. She started to ask me questions like ‘Mom, why am I having ‘mustache’ now?’ ‘Why God pick me to have this illness?’ and etc etc. When others mentioned/asked me about her face, she would quickly run away or try to ignore that person. She used to be friendly to everyone when she meets people but now she would hide herself behind me when we met someone. Sigh… she was ‘changing’ slowly into a passive person. She started to pray at night, before her sleep. She told me that if she prays more, she will recover sooner and she will be able to eat good food and also look ‘normal’ like before. Gosh, I always got very sad and heart-broken to see a small girl like her to have to go through all things like these.
The only thing she enjoyed doing that period was to READ. She would bury herself in books no matter when and where. There were many sweet kind ‘aunties’ (all my great friends in life) that brought her many books to read for her free time so that she won’t be thinking too much about her illness or worrying too much about her ‘look’.
At the same time, the little one in me was growing too. I too suffer some hormone changes in myself. I got emo very easily. Teared easily too, esp when I have to face Jamie. My work got affected as well because my tummy was too big for me to run about to shoot anymore. My editing work got slowed down too, for I could no longer sit too long or I would suffer very bad backache. Anyhow I was still lucky to have met very good and understanding clients that totally understand my situation and were really patient with me. And of coz, those clients have become my friends now! 😀
After few months of school holidays, finally she got to go to school. She could not be any happier. She loves school, more than anything on earth. But I was kinda worried. I did not know how her school friends are going to react towards her physical changes. And thus, the night before, when I tucked her in, I sort of gave hint to her that her school friends might ask her about her sickness or her face and I had also kind of taught her how to ‘ignore’ them. But guess I was wrong, totally wrong. I made the BEST decision to send her to this awesome school where all the kids are so loving to each other. She is a happy girl, again!
So basically, for my 2014, I was kind of busy taking care of Jamie and myself with the little one inside me. I had to cook most of the days for Jamie’s every meal as she was under strict diet with no salt. I had to ‘act’ strong and positive everyday to make sure my little girl stay happy and positive too. At the same time, I had to make sure that I did not cause too much burden and trouble to my hubby as he needs to work hard to support our family seeing that soon I would have to stop shooting for quite sometime.
Well, I would say that my 2014 was really not easy for me but one thing that I am sure, I am blessed with all great people around me, my hubby, my family, my friends, and even my clients are all so supportive and loving. And I knew that 2014 would soon be over and I would have a great 2015 ahead! 😀
*Sorry for all low quality of photos as all were just taken using iPhone. 😛